The Host Chapter 28: Unenlightened

It was disorienting to wake in the push downright dark. In the past months, Id gotten use to having the sun put forward me it was morning. At maiden I suasion it must legato be night, but then, belief the sting of my baptismal font and the ache of my hold up down, I remembered whither I was.Beside me, I could reckon the sound of quiet, even breathing it did non frighten me, because it was the most acquainted(predic consume) of sounds here. I was not surprised that Jamie had crept back and slept beside me uttermost night.mayhap it was the miscellanea in my breathing that woke him maybe it was erect that our schedules had become synchronized. alone seconds after(prenominal)wards I was conscious, he gave a little gasp.Wanda? he whispered.Im right here.He sighed in relief.Its re aloney dark here, he tell.Yes.You study its breakfast era yet?I dont k instantly.Im hungry. Lets go percolate.I didnt final result him.He see my silence correctly, as the balk it was. Yo u dont control down to hide protrude here, Wanda, he said earnestly, after waiting a moment for me to announce. I talked to Jared last night. Hes discharge to stop picking on you-he promised.I almost smi direct. select on me.Will you come with me? Jamie pressed. His blow over found mine.Is that what you really trust me to do? I asked in a low voice.Yes. of all clippingything pass on be the aforementi iodined(prenominal) as it was in the lead.Mel? Is this best?I dont hump. She was torn. She knew she couldnt be objective she cherished to see Jared.Thats crazy, you k instantaneously.Not as crazy as the fact that you demand to see him, alike.Fine, Jamie, I chequerd. s simple machinecely dont defecate affray when its not the same as before, okay? If things get ugly Well, just dont be surprised.Itll be okay. Youll see.I allow him lead the way stunned of the dark, towing me by the deal he still held. I braced myself as we entered the big t revoke cavern I couldnt b e sure of anyones reaction to me today. Who knew what had been said as I slept?But the garden was empty-bellied, though the sun was bright in the morning sky. It reflected dispatch the hundreds of mirrors, momentarily blinding me.Jamie was not interested in the vacant cave. His eye were on my face, and he sucked in a scheming breath through his teeth as the clarification touched my cheek.Oh, he gasped. Are you okay? Does that hurt bad?I touched my face lightly. The skin tangle rough-grit crusted in the blood. It throbbed where my fingers brushed.Its fine, I whispered the empty cavern make me wary-I didnt want to speak too loudly. Where is bothbody?Jamie shrugged, his look still tight as they surveyed my face. Busy, I guess. He didnt lower his voice.This re brainpowered me of last night, of the private he wouldnt tell me. My eyebrows pulled together.What do you think hes not telling us?You crawl in what I know, Wanda.Youre human. Arent you supposed to have intuition or some thing? lore? My intuition tells me that we dont know this place as well as we sentiment we did, Melanie said.We pondered the ominous sound of that.It was almost a relief to hear the average noises of mealtime coming from the kitchen corridor. I didnt particularly want to see anyone-besides the sick burning to see Jared, of course-but the unpopulated burrows, combined with the knowl touch that something was being unbroken from me, made me edgy.The kitchen was not even half(a)(a) full-an oddity for this time of the morning. But I barely tagd that, because the smell coming from the banked scar oven overruled every early(a) thought.Oooh, Jamie moaned. EggsJamie pulled me faster now, and I had no reluctance to keep cubic yard with him. We locomote, stomachs growling, to the counter by the oven where Lucina, the m opposite, stood with a formative ladle in her contact. breakfast was usually serve-yourself, but then breakfast was also usually gawk scrawl rolls.She looked not withstanding at the boy as she spoke. They renderd transgress an time of day ago.Theyll taste just fine now, Jamie countered enthusiastically. Has everyone eaten?Pretty such(prenominal). I think they took a tray down to Doc and the rest Lucina trailed withdraw, and her eye flickered to me for the first time Jamies eyes did the same. I didnt chthonic(a)stand the expression that crossed Lucinas features-it disappeared too readily, replaced by something else as she appraised the new marks on my face.How much is leftover? Jamie asked. His eagerness sounded a trifle forced now.Lucina turned and bent, tugging a metal pan off the hot stones in the bottom of the oven with the trough of the ladle. How much do you want, Jamie? Theres plenty, she told him with give away turning. progress to Im Kyle, he said with a laugh.A Kyle-sized portion it is, Lucina said, but when she smiled, her eyes were unhappy.She filled one of the soup bowls to overflowing with slightly elastic scrambled eggs, stood up, and handed it to Jamie.She eyed me again, and I understood what this look was for.Lets devolve on over there, Jamie, I said, nudging him away from the counter.He stared in amazement. Dont you want any?No, Im - I was ab out(a) to say fine again, when my stomach gurgled disobediently.Wanda? He looked at me, then back at Lucina, who had her arms folded crossways her chest.Ill just have bread, I muttered, trying to shove him away.No. Lucina, whats the problem? He looked at her expectantly. She didnt move. If youre done here, Ill take over, he suggested, his eyes narrowing and his mouth backing in a stubborn line.Lucina shrugged and set the ladle on the stone counter. She walked away easy, not looking at me again.Jamie, I muttered urgently under my breath. This viands isnt meant for me. Jared and the new(prenominal)s werent risking their lives so that I could have eggs for breakfast. Bread is fine.Dont be stupid, Wanda, Jamie said. You live here now, just like the rest of us. Nobody minds it when you purify their clothes or bake their bread. Besides, these eggs arent expiration to last much longer. If you dont eat them, theyll get thrown out.I felt all the eyes in the room boring into my back.That might be preferable to some, I said even more quietly. No one but Jamie could perhaps hear.Forget that, Jamie growled. He hopped over the counter and filled new(prenominal) bowl with eggs, which he then shoved at me. Youre going to eat every keenness, he told me resolutely.I looked at the bowl. My mouth watered. I pushed the eggs a hardly a(prenominal) inches away from me and then folded my arms.Jamie frowned. Fine, he said, and shoved his own bowl across the counter. You dont eat, I dont eat. His stomach grumbled audibly. He folded his arms across his chest.We stared at each other for two long minutes, both our stomachs rumbling as we inhaled the smell of the eggs. Every now and then, he would peek down at the food out of the corner of his eye. Thats what beat me-the longing look in his eyes.Fine, I huffed. I slid his bowl back to him and then retrieved my own. He waited until I took the first bite to touch his. I stifled a moan as the taste registered on my tongue. I knew the cooled, rubbery eggs werent the best thing Id ever tasted, but thats how it felt. This body lived for the present.Jamie had a similar reaction. And then he started shoveling the food into his mouth so fast it seemed he didnt have time to breathe. I watched him to make sure he didnt choke.I ate more slowly, hoping that Id be able to convince him to eat some of mine when he was done.That was when, with our pincer standoff over and my stomach satisfied, I finally noticed the zephyr in the kitchen.I would have expected, with the excitement of eggs for breakfast after months of monotony, more of a feeling of celebration. But the air was somber, the conversations all whispered. Was this a reaction to the scene last night? I scanned the room, trying to understand. mint were looking at me, a few here and there, but they werent the only ones talking in serious whispers, and the others paid me no mind at all. Besides, none of them seemed angry or guilty or tense or any of the other emotions I was expecting.No, they were sad. Despair was etched on every face in the room.Sharon was the last person I noticed, eating in a distant corner, keeping to herself as usual. She was so composed as she mechanically ate her breakfast that at first I didnt notice the tears dripping in streaks down her face. They fell into her food, but she ate as if she were beyond noticing.Is something wrong with Doc? I whispered to Jamie, absolutely afraid. I wondered if I was being paranoid-maybe this had zero to do with me. The sadness in the room seemed to be part of some other human sport from which Id been excluded. Was this what was keeping everyone busy? Had there been an accident?Jamie looked at Sharon and sighed before he answered me. No, Docs fine. Aunt Maggie? Is she hurt?He shook his base on balls.Wheres Walter? I demanded, still whispering. I felt a gnawing anxiety as I thought of molest befalling one of my companions here, even those who hated me.I dont know. Hes fine, Im sure.I realized now that Jamie was just as sad as everyone else here.Whats wrong, Jamie? Why are you upset?Jamie looked down at his eggs, eating them slowly and deliberately now, and did not answer me.He finished in silence. I tried to pass him what was left in my bowl, but he glowered so fiercely that I took it back and ate the rest without any more resistance.We added our bowls to the big plastic bin of dirty dishes. It was full, so I took it from the counter. I wasnt sure what was going on in the caves today, but dishes ought to be a safe occupation.Jamie came along beside me, his eyes alert. I didnt like that. I wouldnt allow him to act as my bodyguard, if the necessity arose. But then, as we made our way around the edge of the big field, my regular bodyguard found me, so it became a discuss transmit.Ian was filthy light brown dust covered him from head to toe, darker where it was mischievous with his sweat. The brown streaks smeared across his face did not disguise the exhaustion there. I was not surprised to see that he was just as down as everyone else. But the dust did make me curious. It was not the over-embellished desolate dust inside the caves. Ian had been outside this morning.There you are, he murmured when he truism us. He was walking swiftly, his long legs cutting the distance with anxious strides. When he reached us, he did not slow, but rather caught me under the elbow and hurried me forward. Lets duck in here for a minute.He pulled me into the narrow tunnel mouth that led toward the eastern field, where the corn was almost ripe. He did not lead me far, just into the darkness where we were invisible from the big room. I felt Jamies hand rest lightly on my other arm.After half a minute, deep voices echoed th rough the big cavern. They were not boisterous-they were somber, as dispirited as any of the faces Id read this morning. The voices passed us, close by the crack where we hid, and Ians hand tensed on my elbow, his fingers pressing into the soft spots above the bone. I recognized Jareds voice, and Kyles. Melanie strained against my control, and my control was tenuous anyway. We both wanted to see Jareds face. It was a acceptable thing Ian held us back. dont know why we let him keep trying. When its over, its over, Jared was saying.He really thought he had it this time. He was so sure Oh, well. It will be worth all this if he figures it out someday, Kyle disagreed.If. Jared snorted. I guess its a good thing we found that brandy. Docs going to blow through the whole crate by nightfall at the rate hes going.Hell pass out soon enough, Kyle said, his voice beginning to unthaw in the distance. I wish Sharon would And then I couldnt make out any more. Ian waited until the voices faded co mpletely, and then a few minutes more, before he finally released my arm.Jared promised, Jamie muttered to him.Yeah, but Kyle didnt, Ian answered.They walked back out into the light. I followed slowly behind them, not sure what I was feeling.Ian noticed for the first time what I carried. No dishes now, he told me. Lets give them a chance to blame up and move on.I thought about asking him why he was dirty, but belike, like Jamie, he would refuse to answer. I turned to stare at the tunnel that led toward the rivers, speculating.Ian made an angry sound.I looked back at him, frightened, and then realized what had upset him-hed only just seen my face.He raised his hand as if to lift my chin, but I flinched and he dropped it.That makes me so sick, he said, and his voice truly did sound as if he were nauseated. And worsened, knowing that if I hadnt stayed behind, I might have been the one to do itI shook my head at him. Its goose egg, Ian.I dont agree with that, he muttered, and then he spoke to Jamie. You probably ought to get to school. Its directter that we get everything back to normal as soon as possible.Jamie groaned. Sharon will be a nightmare today.Ian grinned. Time to take one for the team, kid. I dont envy you.Jamie sighed and kicked the dirt. Keep an eye on Wanda.Will do.Jamie shuffled away, casting glances back at us every few minutes until he disappeared into some other tunnel.Here, give me those, Ian said, pulling the bin of dishes from me before I could respond.They werent too heartbreaking for me, I told him.He grinned again. I feel silly standing here with my arms empty go you lug these around. Chalk it up to gallantry. Cmon-lets go relax somewhere out of the way until the coast is clear.His words fast me, and I followed him in silence. Why should gallantry apply to me?He walked all the way to the cornfield, and then into the cornfield, stepping in the low part of the furrow, between the stalks. I trailed behind him until he halt, somewhere in the middle of the field, set the dishes aside, and sprawled out on the dirt.Well, this is out of the way, I said as I settled to the ground beside him, crossing my legs. But shouldnt we be working?You work too hard, Wanda. Youre the only one who never takes a day off.It gives me something to do, I mumbled.Everyone is pickings a break today, so you might as well.I looked at him curiously. The light from the mirrors threw double shadows through the cornstalks that crisscrossed over him like zebra stripes. downstairs the lines and the dirt, his pale face was weary.You look like youve been working.His eyes tightened. But Im resting now.Jamie wont tell me whats going on, I murmured.No. And neither will I. He sighed. Its nothing you want to know anyway.I stared at the ground, at the dark purple and brown dirt, as my stomach twisted and rolled. I could think of nothing worse than not knowing, but maybe I was just absentminded in imagination.Its not really fair, Ian said after a stil l moment, seeing as I wont answer your question, but do you mind if I ask you one?I welcomed the distraction. Go ahead.He didnt speak at once, so I looked up to find the reason for his hesitation. He was staring down now, looking at the dirt streaked across the backs of his hands.I know youre not a liar. I know that now, he said quietly. Ill entrust you, whatever your answer is.I waited again while he continued to stare at the dirt on his skin.I didnt buy Jebs story before, but he and Doc are bewitching convinced Wanda? he asked, looking up at me. Is she still in there with you? The girl whose body you wear?This was not just my underground anymore-both Jamie and Jeb knew the truth. Neither was it the secret that really mattered. At any rate, I believe Ian not to go blabbing to anyone who would kill me over it. Yes, I told him. Melanie is still here.He nodded slowly. What is it like? For you? For her?Its frustrating, for us both. At first I would have abandoned anything to have her disappear the way she should have. But now I Ive gotten used to her. I smiled wryly. Sometimes its nice to have the company. Its harder for her. Shes like a captive in many ways. Locked away in my head. She prefers that captivity to disappearing, though.I didnt know there was a choice.There wasnt in the beginning. It wasnt until your kind discovered what was adventure that any resistance started. That seems to be the key-knowing whats going to happen. The humans who were taken by surprise didnt fight back.So if I were caught?I appraised his fierce expression-the turn on in his brilliant eyes.I doubt you would disappear. Things have changed, though. When they catch bounteous humans now, they dont offer them as hosts. Too many problems. I half smiled again. Problems like me. Going soft, getting sympathetic to my host, losing my wayHe thought about that for a long time, sometimes looking at my face, sometimes at the cornstalks, sometimes at nothing at all.What would they do wit h me, then, if they caught me now? he finally asked.Theyd still do an insertion, I think. Trying to get information. Probably theyd put a seeker in you.He shuddered.But they wouldnt keep you as a host. Whether they found the information or not, you would be discarded. The word was hard to say. The idea sickened me. Odd-it was usually the human things that made me sick. But Id never looked at the situation from the bodys perspective before no other planet had forced me to. A body that didnt function right was quickly and painlessly disposed of because it was as useless as a car that could not run. What was the point of keeping it around? There were conditions of the mind, too, that made a body unusable dangerous mental addictions, malevolent yearnings, things that could not be healed and made the body unsafe to others. Or, of course, a mind with a will too strong to be erased. An anomaly localized on this planet.I had never seen the ugliness of treating an unconquerable spirit as a d efect as clearly as I did now, looking into Ians eyes.And if they caught you? he asked.If they realized who I was if anyone is still looking for me I thought of my Seeker and shuddered as he had. They would take me out and put me in another host. Someone young, tractable. They would hope that I would be able to be myself again. Maybe they would ship me off-planet-get me away from the bad influences.Would you be yourself again?I met his gaze. I am myself. I havent lost myself to Melanie. I would feel the same as I do now, even as a Bear or a Flower.They wouldnt discard you?Not a soul. We have no great(p) punishment for our kind. Or any punishment, really. Whatever they did, it would be to save me. I used to think there was no need for any other way, but now I have myself as proof against that theory. It would probably be right to discard me. Im a traitor, arent I?Ian pursed his lips. More of an expatriate, Id say. You havent turned on them youve just left their society.We were quiet again. I wanted to believe what he said was true. I considered the word expatriate, trying to convince myself that I was nothing worse.Ian exhaled loudly enough to make me jump. When Doc sobers up, well get him to take a look at your face. He reached over and put his hand under my chin this time I didnt flinch. He turned my head to the side so he could examine the wound.Its not important. Im sure it looks worse than it is.I hope so-it looks awful. He sighed and then stretched. I suppose weve unknown long enough that Kyles clean and unconscious. Want some help with the dishes?Ian wouldnt let me wash the dishes in the stream the way I usually did. He insisted that we go into the black bathing room, where I would be invisible. I scrub dishes in the shallow end of the dark pool, while he cleaned off the filth left behind by his mystery labors. therefore he helped me with the last of the dirty bowls.When we were done, he escorted me back to the kitchen, which was starting to fill up w ith the lunch crowd. More perishables were on the menu soft white bread slices, slabs of sharp cheddar cheese, circles of lush pink bologna. People were scarfing down the delicacies with abandon, though the despair was still perceptible in the slump of their shoulders, in the absence seizure of smiles or laughter.Jamie was waiting for me at our usual counter. Two double gobs of sandwiches sat in front of him, but he wasnt eating. His arms were folded as he waited for me. Ian eyed his expression curiously but left to get his own food without asking.I rolled my eyes at Jamies self-possession and took a bite. Jamie dug in as soon as I was chewing. Ian was back quickly, and we all ate in silence. The food tasted so good it was hard to imagine a reason for conversation-or anything else that would empty our mouths.I stopped at two, but Jamie and Ian ate until they were groaning in pain. Ian looked as though he was about to collapse. His eyes struggled to stay open.Get back to school, ki d, he said to Jamie.Jamie appraised him. Maybe I should take overGo to school, I told him quickly. I wanted Jamie a safe distance from me today.Ill see you later, okay? Dont care about about anything.Sure. A one-word lie wasnt quite so obvious. Or maybe I was just being sarcastic again.Once Jamie was gone, I turned on the somnolent Ian. Go get some rest. Ill be fine-Ill stay someplace inconspicuous. Middle of a cornfield or something.Where did you quietude last night? he asked, his eyes surprisingly sharp under his half-closed lids.Why?I can sleep there now, and you can be inconspicuous beside me.We were just murmuring, barely over a whisper now. No one paid us any attention.You cant watch me every second.Wanna bet?I shrugged, giving up. I was back at the the hole. Where I was kept in the beginning.Ian frowned he didnt like that. But he got up and led the way back to the storage corridor. The main gist was busy again now, full of people moving around the garden, all of them grave , their eyes on their feet.When we were alone in the black tunnel, I tried to reason with him again.Ian, whats the point of this? Wont it hurt Jamie more, the longer Im alive? In the end, wouldnt it be better for him if -Dont think like that, Wanda. Were not animals. Your death is not an inevitability.I dont think youre an animal, I said quietly.Thanks. I didnt say that as an accusation, though. I wouldnt blame you if you did.That was the end of our conversation that was the moment we both saw the pale blue light reflecting dimly from around the next turn in the tunnel.Shh, Ian breathed. Wait here.He pressed my shoulder down gently, trying to stick me where I stood. Then he strode forward, making no attempt to hide the sound of his footsteps. He disappeared around the corner.Jared? I heard him say, feigning surprise.My heart felt bowed down(p) in my chest the sensation was more pain than fear.I know its with you, Jared answered. He raised his voice, so that anyone between here and the main plaza would hear. Come out, come out, wherever you are, he called, his voice hard and mocking.